Jokes for Today..

Dr. Parker, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smith, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, blushed deeply, then said freezingly, Dr. Parker, I do not think that is a proper question to ask me, you should be asking a boy. And I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down, very red-faced.

Unperturbed, Dr. Parker called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Dr. Parker. "And now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

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An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class. 'There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear.' Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it. 'Now you must do the same,' he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

'Second,' the professor continued, 'you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?'

ice-skate..

went ice-skating with bernard terry nicholastanqinghong clarissa and michelle today.. very fun.. hahaa.. too bad for those who couldn't make it.. its my 2nd time ice-skating.. 1st time was like about 5 years ago? with the ExTrEmE gang.. still remember that time though i only fell once (due to stupid Ivan) i didn't really learn much, merely went round and round holding onto the handle bars at the perimeter..

this time round, i actually managed to really skate! though my hands will be wavering in the air for balance once every half a minute, i can at least skate around without holding onto any supports.. good improvement.. hahaa..

shall go there again.. but then there's one problem, its kinda crowded even on a weekday noon.. all those stupid school kids.. hahaa.. maybe shall go again in July? when all those stupid kids go back to school..

Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what.....

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that
they both brought chicken sandwiches every day!
This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he
noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt.
He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter.
He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"
She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for



her. She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!!

exams finally over...

hasn't been blogging since exams finished.. dun ask me why.. had 2 papers on my last day.. 2nd may.. and i only slept like 2 hours the night before.. first time i actually burn the midnight oil for a paper.. in the end i buang my last paper for this semester.. haizz.. one song can represent the situation.. "In The End" by Linkin Park.. cuz i tried so hard n got so far.. in the end it doesn't even matter..

unlike the past few semesters, this sem i studied mostly in our hall 10 studying room n also in TR125 wif YZ JJ ZQ n YH.. had a GREAT time studying wif them n i'm really grateful to them for helping me wif my revision.. especially Yong Hong.. thanx a million..

was in a state of DEPRESSION juz 1 day after the exams finished.. guess i put in quite a lot of effort this sem as compared to e past 2 years.. was hoping to clear all my subjects.. all went well until the last paper haizz.. didn't feel like going anywhere n didn't feel like doing anything.. luckily Terry was around for me to practise my soccer skills.. otherwise i'll go mad..

finally feeling better after i watched a show "Jiang Shi Bao Bei" starring Zhang Shang Wei.. it's a vampire show.. kinda crappy but i love vampire shows so i'll make do with that.. besides the vampires wats most important is that the female lead actually looks like Pinky.. she's a ghost in the show but looks kinda like a fairy.. n i was mesmerized.. hahaa..

went hme the next day n i basically spent the next few days sleeping n watching tv.. played basketball on sunday morning as usual n played 2 rounds of mahjong in my house after that.. Jiawei WeiLiang n ZhongYang.. n i lost $15.. ^^"

Monday.. went to meet YZ Jared Yuda Vki n YH at orchard at around 4plus.. we had inner at the foodcourt at Cineleisure b4 watching MI3.. the foodcourt that was once so familiar.. i would never forget those times when we the Extreme gang went there about 2-3 times a week to play Lasermania.. was during my JC days.. the whole group of us were hooked to this 'Lasermania', a game where the whole lot of us would put on sensor vests n carried laser guns n go around shooting each other and destroying the other team's base.. we even took part in a competition but was unfortunately thrashed in the first game cuz we weren't so experienced then..

Regarding the show "MI3" i would have to say its great.. though some of the feats performed is really IMPOSSIBLE in real life..

had my first GE lesson today.. Choice Theory and Reality Therapy.. the lecturer's great, abit weird though.. hahaa.. kinda like the Mind Over Stress lecturer.. but i like both of them.. maybe because i'm really interested in what they're teaching.. unlike subjects like HEAT TRANSFER etc..

at first i thought i was gonna take this GE by myself.. who would haf known Diana n company also taking.. really very very 'qiao'.. haizz.. always stuck with her.. also dunno its a good or bad thing.. hahaa..

its 4am now n i think i should go to sleep.. wanted to write a 1000 word entry but i'm juz too tired.. zzz...

living dangerously...

an email my friend sent me...

My mom only had one eye.
>
> I hated her... she was such an embarrassment...
>
> She cooked for students & teachers...to support the
> family.
>
> There was one occasion during elementary school and
> my mom came.
>
> I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me?
>
> I threw her a hateful look and ran out.
>
> The next day at school...
>
> "Your mom only has one eye?!?!"...eeeee said a
> friend.
>
> I wished my mom would just disappear from this
> world.
>
> So I said to my mom, "Mom... Why don't you have the
> other eye?!
>
> If you're only going to make me a laughing stock,
> why don't you just
> die?!!!"
>
> My mom did not respond...
>

> I guess I felt a little bad, but at the same time,
> it felt good to
> think that
>
> I had said what I'd wanted to say all this time...
>
> Maybe it was! because my mom hadn't punished me,
>
> but I didn't think that I had hurt her feelings very
> badly.
>
> That night...
>
> I woke up, and went to the kitchen to get a glass of
> water.
>
> My mom was crying there, so quietly,
>
> as if she was afraid that she might wake me.
>
> I took a look at her, and then turned away.
>
> Because of the thing I had said to her earlier,
>
> there was something pinching at me in the corner of
> my heart.
>
> Even so, I hated my mother who was crying out of her
> one eye.
>
> So I told myself that I would grow up and become
> successful.
>
> Then I studied real hard.
>
> I left my mother and went to Singapore to study.
>
> Then, I got married. I bought a house of my own.
>
> Then I had kids, too...
>
> Now I'm living happily as a successful man.
>
> I like it here because it's a place that doesn't
> remind me of my mom.
>
> This happiness was getting bigger and bigger,
> when...
>
> What?! Who's this?!
>
> It was my mother...Still with her one eye.
>
> I felt as if the whole sky was falling apart on me.
>
> Even my children ran away, scared of my mom's eye.
>
> And I asked her, "Who are you?!" "I don't know
> you!!!"
>
> as if trying to make that real.
>
> I screamed at her, "How dare you come to my house
> and scare my
> children!!"
>
> GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!!!"
>
> And to this, my mother quietly answered,
>
> "Oh, I'm so sorry. I may have gotten the wrong
> address,"
>
> and she disappeared out of sight.
>
> Thank goodness...
>
> She doesn't recognize me. I was quite relieved.
>
> I told myself that I wasn't going to care,
>
> Or think about this for the rest of my life.
>
> Then a wave of relief came upon me...
>
> One day, a letter regarding a school reunion came to
> my house in
> Singapore.
>
> So, lying to my wife that I was going on a business
> trip, I went.
>
> After the reunion, I went down to the old shack,
>
> that I used to call a house... Just out of curiosity
>
> There, I found my mother fallen on the cold ground.
>
> But I did not shed a single tear.
>
> She had a piece of paper in her hand....It was a
> letter to me.
>
> "My son...
>
> I think my life has been long enough now...
> And... I won't visit Singapore anymore...
> But would it be too much to ask if I wanted you
> to come visit me once in a while? I miss you so
> much..

> And I was so glad when I heard you were coming for
> the reunion.
> But I decided not to go to the school.
> For you......And.....
> I'm sorry that I only have one eye, and I was an
> embarrassment for you.

> You see, when you were very little, you got into an
> accident,
> and lost your eye.
> As a mom, I couldn't stand watching you
> having to grow up with only one eye...
> So I gave you mine...

> I was so proud of my son that was seeing a whole
> new world for me, in my place, with that eye.
> I was never upset at you for anything you did..
> The couple times that you were angry with me..
> I thought to myself, 'It's because he loves me..'
> My son... Oh, my son... "